There are so many reasons not to go to the next climate rally. Use this handy list to find a reason to give to your annoying friend, colleague, neighbour, or customer who keeps inviting you to these events to ‘fight’ for climate action. Just saying ‘I’m really busy’ might not cut it – we’re all busy, right? So use one of these reasons instead.

They’ve probably never heard them before.

1. I have to take my kid to the doctor
2. I have to take my kid to tennis/basketball/football/netball/ballet/pole dancing
3. I have to put the chooks to bed
4. I have a dinner with friends from interstate
5. I have lunch with family from overseas
6. I’ve got to work
7. I don’t have any leave available
8. I can’t tell my boss I need time off for a rally (!#?!) – implies they’re crazy for suggesting it
9. My job is very important
10. Rallies are pointless, that’s not the way to make change – you don’t need to give an alternative, just cast doubt on theirs
11. I don’t really think it’s that bad
12. My minister says that we all just need to believe in God
13. Even if it is that bad, we’ve still got time
14. I’ve got a work meeting
15. I’m looking after the kids
16. I have to take my elderly/incapacitated mother/father/aunt/third cousin twice removed to the shops; poor thing can’t get around anymore
17. I’m not a rally person
18. I don’t like crowds
19. I’ve never been to one before
20. It’s just a bunch of hippies isn’t it
21. It’s just young people being alarmist
22. It’s just ‘woke’ hipsters making a big deal out of nothing
23. It’s just some Baby Boomers who never grew up inciting naïve young people
24. We can’t survive without coal, oil, and gas
25. We can adapt
26. So there’s fewer insects, so what
27. Eating less meat isn’t going to save the planet
28. I’m sick of hearing about it
29. A few dead bats and horses and everyone’s upset
30. There’s always been ice melt, this is just the same, the coal lobby told me
31. It’s normal for it be hot/freezing/flooded/dry sometimes
32. The trees will grow back
33. I did a tree planting in winter
34. I’m looking after the grandkids then
35. I’ve got the residents association meeting
36. The real problem is [insert your favourite bandwagon here] – distracts from rally attendance
37. I recycle
38. I bought a carbon offset for my last flight, it didn’t cost that much – another good distraction topic
39. Some people have nothing better to do – implies you are too busy but doesn’t actually say it, so you can get away with it
40. I’m not an unemployed lay about so I wouldn’t fit in – jokes make everything better
41. I’m just one person
42. I can’t get off work early
43. I can’t afford the petrol
44. It’s great that you’re going, being friends with you makes me look good
45. It’s so disruptive, you shouldn’t do that
46. Being polite is the only way to get things done
47. I don’t want my kids to be scared of something that might not happen
48. I don’t want my kids to think I’m scared of climate change
49. It’s not good for young people to be on such a downer
50. It could be scary for my kids to be there in the crush of people
51. It’s sets a bad example for young people, do a petition instead
52. Gluing yourself to things, chaining yourself to things, I’m not doing that
53. I don’t want to get arrested
54. I’m scared it will get violent
55. We shouldn’t really make a fuss, we vote once every 3 or 4 years, that’s enough
56. My partner wouldn’t like me going
57. I read about it on Facebook – not a reason, just an escape comment that implies you care
58. The Prime Minister isn’t bothered and s/he wouldn’t lead us down the wrong path
59. ‘What if something’s on TV and it’s never shown again’ – funny song by the Lemonheads – don’t be afraid to quote something totally unrelated, like Trump or any number of climate criminals would.

Ok, so this isn’t 100 reasons, but you get the idea.

At the end of the day, there’s only reason to go to the next climate rally: life on earth.

© Palitja Moore, text 2020, and image, N Moore, Emma Gorge Western Australia, 2019